*smiles*

It's difficult here and we know it. Tiring classes, hectic schedules, washing clothes, running to uni., eating the rotten food here, whining sometimes, missing home. And in between all that, your words seem like a breath of fresh air. :) Believe me, all this would have really difficult had you not been here. Thank you.

Your eyes, your words and your faith and hope. Thanks for all of it. :)

Thank you for You!

*hug hug*

Home? No Way.

I tried searching for Home here but little did I realize that Home is where you express, where you can be yourself. Home is where the sparks of rain don't hurt and where sunshine doesn't burn.. where your thoughts and your words are not confined to the yellowed pages of a diary..

At times like these I miss Home like hell. And somehow my ability to express now-a-days has been confined to writing in my diary or smsing a very dear friend(who's going through the same plight.).. It seems as if I've lost my ability to show people what I feel. What others mistake as patience, is inability. All I do now-a-days is keep things inside, let everything settle inside.

I think I'm growing up. Seeing people change at the drop of a hat is shocking but somehow I'm taking it. People get bored of others here. You aren't COOL if you don't indulge in gossip. Somehow I'm a little taken aback, yes. And I can feel the delusion setting in.

I really think I'm growing up.. This isn't Home. Home is where you don't have to hide under the pillow or the Teddy to cry yourself to sleep. This place isn't Home. No, it isn't.

Where Is The Moonstrummer?

Before starting to write about what has been going on in the past month in my life, I'd like to tell everyone that I'm still technologically handicapped at the moment. The university authorities here tell us that we're gonna get our laptops pretty soon.. but then, I really have no clue when I'm going to be connected to the virtual world again.

Frankly speaking, I didn't want to come here. Who wants to leave home and stay in an alien city with people who stare at you for the weirdest of reasons and speak in a language that is remotely not similar to yours? I was comfortable in the colonial corridors of school with a bunch of supermadhatters for friends. I was comfortable dozing off in history class and writing poetry in sociology class. I was overwhelmed everytime I caught a glance of the red and yellow building.. I loved the ol' wishing pond and secretly wished for it's serenity. Things were different in school. You could cry 'cause you knew you had arms to run into.. There was always someone who'd support you when you stumbled.

University is WAY more different. A slightly more ruthless realm. People smile at you but pass comments behind your back. Competition and only competition rules. Plus, you have to do everything yourself. From studying thick law journals to washing and ironing clothes - Life has certainly turned topsy-turvy. Then, we practically starve during meal times. Hostel food sucks. We sometimes live on hide-and-seek biscuits,haldiram bhujia and aachaar. We aren't allowed of our hostel for the first three months. Plus, we have no source of entertainment except each other. We dance sometimes. Laugh our wild scary laughter and curse the warden and our Fate.

What is even more heart-rending is that I haven't seen my family for more than a month now! I hear my brother's voice on the phone every night but I know I cannot cuddle him tight. I miss my Ma's constant bickering about my dirty, filthy room. In fact, now, astonishingly I keep Room Number 15 as clean as I can. I miss Dad's snoring.. I miss Bhai and my best friends. I miss Calcutta. I miss GOOD FOOD! In fact, I think I miss Food in any case. I miss known faces. I know I was looking for anonymity but now that I have found it, I think Home was much better.

Nevertheless, Room Number 15 is Home for now. I share the Room with Sayontika and Ruhi. Both occupy 70% of theRoom space and I'm amazed at how they are gaining weight instead of shedding some. Natty, one of my bestest friends here, stays in Room Number 17 with Pragya and Aditi. The others - Purva,Swati,Priyanka,Sonali and Anjali are also really co-operative. Paro and I have grown really close. :) So, I'm really lucky to be in a Block in the hostel where there is no hostile politics. I don't talk to the guys here much. And my dreams of flirting with several guys(despite my shyness) are all shattered since NOT ONE guy is dateable, unfortunately. *ahem ahem* * winks*

Our campus is beautiful. Almost like a city inside another city. It reminds me of school somehow. The sky covers up the serene campus in the most beautiful, dreamy way. The sepia in the evenings often leaves an indelible mark on poetry people like me(And I haven't written something concrete in ages.). I'll put up the photographs once I get my laptop.

Okay, I have get off the laptop 'cause it's my roomie's turn to fiddle with technology a bit. Yes, I miss home like crazy. I miss my brothers. I couldn't even tie raakhis this time. I miss Ma. I miss Baba. I miss Dida. I miss home cooked food. I miss FOOD! I miss the touch of home on cold rainy days(It rains every day here). I miss the wildwild laughter in the colonial corridors. I miss a few faces. I miss writing and chatting on social networking sites. But then, I've reasons to stay on. Reasons to wait. There's sunshine after the rains, and my sunshine stories will come alive too.

* smiles *

Your Eyes.

Your moonshine glow is trapped in pieces of words pressed in the pages of my mind. It's something that you do with your kaleidoscope eyes. You have my sky in your eyes.. puddles of unspoken, unwritten words that create in rhyme our gossamer fairytale. You have my world in those beautiful, expressive eyes - broken, shattered shards of my existence that look close to perfect in your eyes.. that look complete in your eyes.. I want to capture the twinkle of your eyes in my poesy.. I want to gather words just to make those eyes a part of my half-dreamed, half-lived life.. You smile through those eyes... and the purple of your eyes shines through..

Your eyes bring a silly, absent-minded little girlish half-smile onto my face.. It's what you do to me.. *smiles*


P.S.: My laptop still hasn't arrived. But I couldn't keep my hands off this laptop that Piggy brought to hostel. To other bloggers, will be back soon. Promise. :)