Vagabond Has A Family.

When I first came here, I had a preconceived notion that there are no friends like school friends. After all, noone can ever substitute the fourteen long years of running through the colonial corridors and ending up with bruised knees, scrambling through the serenity of the green fields, and those numerous little fights.. those tears and the wildwild laughter that is still a part of our alma mater. No wonder I kept to myself during the initial days when I came here. The headphonic idiotic, you guys call me. :P I would have probably been this detached had I not met you people. Now I can proudly say that I have a set of friends here who are not just friends - they are my family.

I'm really touched at whatever you people have done yet. (yes yes, I'm sentimental :) ) You people piss me off sometimes, yes and I feel like killing you, not talking to you and hiding away into my shell again. But I know you five will be there whenever I need you ( even when I don't need you, for that matter :P ). Right from running to get coffee when I was choking on my breath to getting food for me when I'm all hungry and can't move because I've an injured knee or a temperature.. to sending a teener tiffin box full of muree when I have pet'e baetha.. even tolerating my mood swings and the bangalar paanch'r moton mukh that I make sometimes. :P I was awestruck at how you all were so concerned when I injured myself the other day. * clumsy me *. I had never expected that you mind wasting the entire morning and half of yesterday afternoon just to take me to a doctor and get the wound dressed. :) I'm so touched that I can't even express in words.

Thank you for this family that I have found in the lifeless godforsaken city...

Meanderings.

I visited the purple hills today. Well, almost. With my roommate for a morning walk. We didn't go far because there were plenty of frustrated faces in the wee hours of morning, and we certainly didn't want to get into trouble. The hills weren't as purple as I had thought them to be. And, they had no stories scribbled on them as I had imagined. Just a mesh of green, rocks and boulders. Just an endless, infinite road with no destination. A turn here and a meandering there. And a few love notes in chalk made on the road by couples eloping, perhaps. Deepak loves Priya. Or were there other names too? They are making a school near the hills too. A kind of shabby looking building it seems to me. It looks to me like a school out of Enid Blyton books. All it needs is red paint, a very strict principal and a couple of teenagers hungry for adventure.

They say there isn't much to do in this city. It's dead. Has no life of its own. Yet, as I walked on today, I found life in the purple hills. A life still undiscovered. Waiting to be found out by wanderlust. Waiting to be devoured by an odd traveller. The roads are stories. The Pied Piper that leads the way, and promises never to come back again. The hills are full of a music, a fragrance of wanderlust, of meanderings of the mind. And it scars the skin.. burns into the soul, the music, the fragrance and it explodes in your mind like a tinybluestar in the sky.

And, I tried to bury a part of me in those hills knowing well that I'll go there again and again and there will be feeble screams of me from there too. From the part left there.

The hills are alive with the sound of music, and with a story newly etched with my footprints and a childish laughter among the trees.

burn.

you live in this half-dead city
like a vagabond.
burn, burn, burning
like cigarette smoke in the casing air.
in the dead goodbyes of the night.
stopping at the chaiwallah's,
and breathing the serenity of the
purple hills at two am,
burying another day's story
in the papercup brew.

you burn, burn, burn
in the sepia stardust
of this old, merciless town.
thinking about the old bookshop
off our old city, a few photographs
with your newly-found friends,
and an unfamiliar scent that this city
has gifted you.

while parts of you are being
gnawed away by the night,
nibbled by the glistening stars
that eat away into the clouds,
i write dead letters to you.
knowing well that the words
are not meant to be.
crumpled sheets of words
kissed by the moonlight,
while you burn away.
in the city's glowing passion
and your throat still deliriously dry.

you live in this city
like a vagabond.
it nauseates you to be here long.
yet you burn away.
you let yourself be trapped
by the music that plays
in your head.

and someday i'm sure you'll run away.
run away to another part
of your mind
and burn away the memories
of this place.
you'll dissolve into the crowds
of the new town,
refusing to learn their mothertongue.
it gives you a high when
you cannot decipher words.
a kind of freedom, you cannot explain.

you'll leave someday, i know
with your black backpack.
burning away. like you did today.

teenage angst.

i think i'm far from teenage angst.
yet when we have our backs to each other,
i dream about the patch of dreamy rainbowsky
that surrounds you..

their voices seem to rise above the din in my head.
and even if i walked away today, trying hard
to hold my thoughts running amok, i
felt your scent pressed in between our stories.
the pages i write about you, about those eyes
that have haunted me eversince
i ran through the rain, alone.
and, whenever those buckets of moonlight
rain on me in the dead of the night
i remember your face,
staring at me during the gaps
between our mindless laughter,
half-embarrassed, half-delighted
at the jokes we crack.

maybe we are the couldhavebeen
that could have been real.
yet we might remain
just a tethered memory
in the folds of this godforsaken town.
away from the ever-bustling crowd,
we might just an die a death everyday,
our music sinking into the purple hills,
like a lullaby to the rainclouds in mid-october.

i think i'm far from teenage angst.
yet i want this uneasy silence to last.
i want our eyes to meet all of a sudden,
your eyes staring into mine for a second and a half,
and you smiling childishly, then.

i like the way your blurred photograph
weaves a distant dream unto my skin,
and even among a horde of people
you often turn back to see if i'm there.
and even if i run far far away,
your words play like tunes in my mind.
our stories running through my veins,
and that look in your eyes i cannot seem to forget.

but we are only a figment of my mind, aren't we?
you don't pine for me in the folds of the night,
and you don't think i could be the light
you need.
you might just tuck me away in your hidden past,
like a secret no one ought to know,
just a smile that bled from destiny..
for you,i will be that tethered memory,
a scar-story on your wrists,
a make-believe reality at your fingertips.

and for all you know,
you might just be the teenage angst
that i fondly built up
as i walked away today.
the teenage angst that
could not be gathered in poesy.
only a tethered memory.
only just a tethered memory.

A Happy Diwali Post.

Diwali Last Year.

Diwali This Year.

I might be away from Home but the festival of lights remains the same. I don't burst crackers as a rule but every year lighting candles with Maa is one of my favourite home-rituals - Choddo Prodeep. This year I lit candles outside our room. Sadly, I couldn't light fourteen candles. The matron said people had to pass so not many candles. Plus, not many candles have been bought. Shall light some tomorrow as well. We have a Diwali Party by juniors tomorrow, I think, in protest of the party by the seniors today because we hadn't been invited. Not that I care much; I hate crowds and the food will most probably be vegetarian. :(

Anyway, Happy Diwali to all of you. :) May the festival of Lights bring fireworks of joy and prosperity to your lives. Have a safe Diwali while I sulk about missing home. :( :(