Friday, August 7, 2009

Because I don't write regularly.

I have no clue when I began to keep my private life away from my life in public. I began thinking about this a couple of days back, when I read Mandy's recent post where she mentioned in a supranote that hers isn't a feelings blog. Somehow I feel even I have divided my life into a thoughts blog and a feelings blog. The feelings blog, however, is locked and available only to very very few people. Anyone who reads my private blog would know the kind of emotional spill I go through on a regular basis. People who aren't invited to it and read only this would readily conclude that I hardly think, and that this blog is dying.

Maybe it is. And there is nothing much I can do about it. I refuse to be angsty and wear my heart on my sleeve in public. Plus, I like being discreet, now. Also, I hardly get creative urges now-a-days. Hopefully it is just a phase.

Well, it is the Freshers' Week in college, and I cannot make myself any clearer - I don't feel like attending the crap - silly 'breaking the ice' competitions et al. Instead, I like curling up on my bed in the afternoons, and reading/watching House till I fall asleep, totally disoriented. I've missed being with myself for a longtime, and since I get the afternoons free (with afternoon classes canceled, and N staying in college because she is one of the biggies for the Freshers' events) I take full advantage of it. Yes, you could say I am unsocial. Well, I don't care.

Also, now-a-days I end of spending a lot of time with A. Studying, talking, eating, going to Oxford, reading, discussing things I cannot with anyone else. Being as politically incorrect as I can be. I think we make a great team. We have two papers to complete (one of them has been long overdue), and I am anticipating attending at least two other conferences this year. I like the adrenaline rush of talking about my work on stage, though I'm terribly afraid of it at the same time. A, on the other hand, prefers mooting to speaking in conferences. I wouldn't mind moots but I like researching better, and our college won't have a researcher test for moots. So, I doubt if I'll ever have any national/international level mooting experience because I wouldn't ever go as a speaker.

I also gave up writing a paper I really wanted to write. But I could not get myself to understand the legal propositions of the topic, and lost my sanity over it. I feel terrible giving it up, and I know it'll be difficult not regretting about it.

I shall not comment about my friends and acquaintances, here in this blog. I am really close to only a handful of people in college and they know who they are. About the rest, I am trying not to care. Among other things, facebook has become a recent addiction. Also, House. I absolutely LOVE House. And I am really really glad that A gave me the episodes. One of my closest schoolfriends has shifted to a college faraway and I won't be seeing her much of her for the next five years, I guess. Another lives just forty minutes from my college, yet we cannot meet for our erractic college hours. Another gets lonelier in our city.

And, everyday I tell myself to write to them. I want to. But I'm too lazy. Often believing that it wouldn't matter if I didn't write; we'd still stick together (which we will, I am sure). I have the most believable excuse, of course. The course in college. It is vast, though I don't take much of the academic attyachaar. But I am liking the course this semester, at least most of it. Constitutional Law I and Criminal Law are, in fact, very interesting. If only I studied regularly.

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